Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
