life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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