Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Tell her she can't have a vagina
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
