How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize