We won't sleep together?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
