Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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