Me too!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
