Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
