You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
