so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
