There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Green mimosas i think yes
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
