would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
