Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My vagina is very pro this idea
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
