walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
