YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
