chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
