I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
be right there i have to get my cape
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
