and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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