ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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