I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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