I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
