Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i came on her dog
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
