Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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