Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
