I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
