i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
