weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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