Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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