Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
