Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
