2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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