hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
