At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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