He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
