after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
