Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I need to sanitize my soul.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
