Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
