Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
