I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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