If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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