I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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