Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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