he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
