Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The feeling are messing with the penis
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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