Can i not drive my cunt home
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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