I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
