Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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