I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
