I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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