Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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