i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
