people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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