i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
