Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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