Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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