You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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