mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
