The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize