We're like a lot better than the average bears
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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