the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
